On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
