Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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