well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
