So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He better not be in your backpack
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
