so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just pee around me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
