I never want to see another naked old woman again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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