Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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