I am in a vortex of obligation.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
