awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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