this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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