she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
