so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.