Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
