If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..