we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?