don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
True college students do jello shots in the library
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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