they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
