What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
