I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
