I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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