You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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