Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
