When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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