so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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