I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Vodka?
Forever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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