i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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