you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
