Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
