Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
