i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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