My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
