Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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