he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I did not marry a roomba.
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