Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
