she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize