You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
