thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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