hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
