remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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