HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
