More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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