So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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