haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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