Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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