Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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