my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
