quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
