Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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