Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
