i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
