ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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