you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
