The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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