I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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