This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
