If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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