and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
