You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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