is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
