I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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