Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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