it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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