did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
